Connections

The other day I entered a private foyer in a beautiful high rise apartment.  It was a long hallway, one door to my right was the living room in all white leather with the ocean out the large windows and to the left was a doorway with a painting on the wall.  On one wall of the hallway was a smokey gray mirror, on the other side was a whole wall of amazing pottery pieces, maybe 100 or more pieces all in cool blues and greens. I thought I had gotten off the elevator in heaven, (I make pottery).  I was so excited to see so much pottery in one place so artfully displayed.  The owner who I didn't know, came to greet me and I asked him if he was a potter.  He explained that no he wasn't a potter, his designer had put the pottery along the wall as a transition from the living room into the guest bedrooms that were on the other end of the hall, creating a cooling effect. I was only there for a few moments, but realized he didn't seem to have a connection to his personal space. It was a design that someone else created for him.  It made me think about my connection to things.

In the last few years I have let go of a lot of things, objects, that I had been moving around for a long time. I was surprised I was able to let go of some of the things I did, like 40 years of personal journals thrown into the recycle bin, and other objects sold at a garage sale, the rest given to charity.  I asked myself a lot of questions when I was choosing which things to let go. When I thought about it I realized that I had lost my connection to those objects and writings, they were there in my space, but I no longer engaged with them. There was a sense of freedom and lightness in letting go of things no longer needed, and I created more space in which to value and appreciate the things I did keep. 

Our connections to people, places and things help us to make sense of our world, they validate our being and give us comfort especially in our personal spaces.  Look around, are you making connections with your surroundings?  Are there things that are hindering your connection to what you value the most?  If the answer is yes, make some room.

Emotions: Happiness

What is Happiness?

According to the dictionary happiness is: good fortune, pleasure, contentment, joy.  An active or passive state of pleasure or pleasurable satisfaction. Bliss, supreme delight. Contentment, a peaceful happiness where one rests without desires.  And from a metaphysical perspective, happiness is a state of inner peace, a consciousness of all there is, and a realization that everyone can experience joy.

I have always considered myself to be a happy person. Sure I am miserable sometimes, I have experienced loss and sadness, and things do not always go as planned, but when I think about the basic core of my being I can say I am happy. So this week I thought about some things that make me happy and why. 

1. Being in nature because of the sounds, colors, and perfection.

2. My children and pets because they evoke my love and are delightful.

3. Being creative because self-expression is exuberant!

4.  My friends because making connections validates my humanity.

5.  Moving my body because it gives me strength and vitality.  

WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?  Make your own list it will make you happy!

Relationships: Divine Spark

The other day I engaged the help of a young man who worked as a valet in a large high rise apartment building.  He was very friendly and happily talking to me, but also greeting and acknowledging some of the residents.  He had a joyful, kind and genuine demeanor, which he openly shared.  We chatted the whole time I was there and we ended our conversation by agreeing that looking for the best in others was a good thing to do. It was a lovely moment in time, something I call, "Every Day Magical Moments."
Even though I do not practice any kind of faith, what came to my mind as I was leaving, was the Hebrews 13:2 quote, " Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for there by some have entertained angels unaware."  Which in turn led me to think about the divine spark all living beings have, our life force and the source of our connection.  The divine spark is the divinity quality we all possess and the ability to recognize it in others from time to time.  Sometimes my days are hectic, but that encounter reminded me to be more aware of the divine in those I meet.

Human Potential

Transpersonal Psychology is the study of health and human potential.  Human potential is what is possible for us, what we can become, a latent excellence or ability that can be developed allowing us to express, or actualize at an optimal level.
One of my favorite theories on human potential was developed by  Abraham Maslow. His theory was that we have a Hierarchy of needs, and those needs have to be met before we can move up his pyramid to self-actualization.  At each level once our needs are satisfied they become less important and other drives surface.  On the most basic level our needs of food, drink, and sleep need to be met.  These are the most basic and important of our needs, followed by safety, which is being free from fear and chaos. Our need to belong and to be loved is also on that spectrum of basic needs.  We have a natural tendency to desire relationships with individuals, family and society, to create connections, and from those connections we develop our esteem needs through competence, individual achievement and respect from others.  As we reach the top of the pyramid we can still be unsatisfied unless we can experience self-actualization, which is the full use of our talents and abilities.
Self-actualization is an ongoing process of utilizing our talents and abilities what ever they are, and how ever they manifest in our lives, and because it is a process, these can change with time and circumstance.  Some characteristics of self-actualization are, seeing life clearly, being objective, not allowing our emotions or egos to influence observations, being creative, and spontaneity. 
When our needs are met we have the inclination to self-express, and self-actualize.  It is the potential we all possess and it is up to us to strive to express it.

Defining your Life

The other day I was having a conversation with a casual acquaintance about his future plans.  He is fifty years old, working and trying to make as much money as possible so he can buy an apartment or house, and retire. As he explained it, that was it, you work, you retire, and you wait until your life is over.  In the most basic sense I guess that is what happens.  I wanted to ask what is in between all those things, but I don’t know this person well and he seemed very clear about the progression of things for him in his life and not unhappy with the prospects.  He was so matter of fact, and in the big scheme of life that is how it goes, but I realized he had defined his life.  It made me think about how I define my own life.  I can honestly say my definition does not include working, retiring and dying.  Those three topics are in my life, but my life is more defined by everything that interests me and that I like to do, what I can learn, what I can create, where I like to be, where I want to go, what I want to see, who I like to be with, and just being, just enjoying the moment.  How you define your life is a good question to ask from time to time. 

Finding Spirit in Movement Part II

"There's something about the body that's absolutely essential to the development of man's  possibilities, or why are we on this earth."   
J. Needleman 

Engaging in just about any exercise can create that sense of "acute wellbeing."  Attention to physical health draws the focus inward enhancing the vital energy within.  Walking, running, dancing, as well as other aerobic exercise give the sense of being grounded and more tuned into the functioning of the body. The more integrated movements practices, such as yoga, qigong and the martial arts are exercises that provide layers of movement, physical and energetic and are based upon philosophies.  Yoga draws on energy known as prana, Qigong, draws on Qi, eternal energy or life force and the Eastern marital arts mobilize energy by uniting mind and body drawing on the energy of ch'i.  All these types of movement facilitate inner growth through discipline and practice.  Some forms of movement are strictly performance and body-strengthening modalities, while others are based upon spiritual philosophies.  Exploring the possibilities of movement and delving into the spiritual mysteries movement induces can be transforming as well as physically beneficial.

Finding Spirit in Movement

Is it possible to find spirit in movement?  Just ask any athlete and they can probably tell you of their own transcendent experiences while engaged in sport.  I had the opportunity when working on my Master’s degree to explore this subject in depth while exploring the idea of nutrition and exercise facilitating midlife transformation.  Back in 1995, Michael Murphy wrote the book, In The Zone: Transcendent Experience In Sports.  He explains, as I said in the last blog, that one aspect of exercising is a sense of “acute well-being” which is an essential element in transcendent experiences.  Murphy says, “The key is to be in the moment, realizing it is moving, not static. To be is to move with the process of the universe as it unfolds in you and you in it.”  This tells me that an aspect of good health is exercise, and engaging in exercise of any kind can be a transcendent experience, which has a profound effect on all the aspects of our lives.  That transcendent experience is when everything is flowing, and our current sense of time no longer exists, there is only now.  If you haven't experienced it when engaged in exercise, you may know what I am talking about if you have ever been so absorbed in something that there was nothing else, but what you were doing that moment.  It is a feeling we can have at the time, but a feeling that is hard to hold onto.  Once we are aware of having a transcendent experience, we naturally seek, when possible, that sense of well-being.

Body: Exercise

When we begin to move we create change from the inside out.

I have a friend who is having a stressful time in life right now from family health issues, to having to move an art studio because of a fire, working and various other every day stressful situations, which are out of her control.  Though she has been under considerable stress, she mentioned that she was going to a kick boxing class confident that it would help her cope with everything.

In the past people didn’t have to think about exercising, but now many modern conveniences have made consistent movement obsolete and many jobs and chosen lifestyles have become practices in being sedentary, but exercise and movement are vital to our sense of well -being.

Movement is such an integral part of our lives, and exercise provides physical, mental and spiritual benefits. Besides strength and endurance, anxiety, depression, self-esteem, body concept and stress management are a few psychological aspects that show improvement with exercise.  Exercise can create an atmosphere where we are conscious, open, and receptive, giving us a sense of “acute well-being.”

When one connects with the body a process of wholeness begins to take shape as one becomes more familiar with his or her form. 

Get moving!

Body

“There is only one temple in the world, and that is the human body”  Novalis

To consider the body a temple shifts the consciousness to a caretaking role. For me, it is the one area in my life that I feel I can truly control because I can make choices about how I use my body and what I put into it. I like to think of my body as a vehicle for being in this space and time.  It can malfunction, but I can try to maintain it so it functions optimally.
From a transpersonal perspective, a focus on the body is another approach to personal growth.  Almost anything that we do will have an effect on all the parts of our being.  Karl Dürckheim, in his book The Way of Transformation says, “When we have understood that body and psyche are not two separate entities, but merely two aspects of the whole way in which a person manifests, outwardly and inwardly, we come to understand that work on our inner being will inevitably affect the body, and that efforts to change the body will equally inevitably have their effect within.”

Personal Boundaries

Last week I wrote about personal space or Proximics, but I mentioned personal boundaries because they also are about the physical, emotional and mental limits we use to protect ourselves.  Personal boundaries are used in all aspects of our lives.  We all have them even if we aren’t aware of them on a conscious level.  Good personal boundaries are about self- knowing and self-respect, being aware of our personal needs and confidence in our beliefs and actions.  If you have any codependent behaviors you may have problems with personal boundaries, but by taking calm assertive actions you can begin to create personal boundaries that serve you and not others.  Creating healthy personal boundaries is about developing one’s personal power.  Carl Rogers believed “The individual has within himself vast resources for self-understanding, for altering his self-concept, his attitudes, and his self-directed behavior.”  It always comes back to awareness, when we find our boundaries being challenged we always have the choice to alter our response to the best possible outcome.

Personal Space

I am currently living in Florida, and I try to get to the beach for 2 hours every week.  I like to get a little sun and go in the water.  It is so peaceful and relaxing to me and I love bobbing in the waves.  Yesterday on my weekly visit as I was enjoying my bliss on a very quiet beach, two women came and put their chairs approximately 3 feet directly behind where I was sitting. (Really I am not exaggerating)  It is a big beach and there were only 2 other people in this particular large area.  It really bugged me!  They were in my space!

  So it got me thinking about personal space and personal boundaries.  Personal space is more about our physical space, but it is also about our relational experiences as well because it is part of our interactions with others.  This was definitely a personal space situation I was experiencing.  Personal space is defined as: the physical space immediately surrounding someone, into which any encroachment feels threatening to or uncomfortable for them.

 These women were encroaching on my space.  I tried to understand it.  First I thought it was rude, and then I realized they were speaking Spanish, so I thought maybe it was a cultural thing. I didn’t want to move, because I didn’t want to be rude, but I was clearly agitated. 

Edward T Hall called this concept of personal space, Proxemics, which is a subcategory of nonverbal communication, and “he argued that human perceptions of space are molded and patterned by culture,” and can lead to “serious failures of communication and understanding in cross-cultural settings” http://www.csiss.org/classics/content/13  

Our personal space boundaries develop at around 3 to 4 years of age and are mostly defined by the time we reach adolescence.  The personal space response takes place in the amygdala, which is part of the brain area involved in fear and caution.  As the illustration shows we have very defined spaces which seem comfortable for us in different situations with different people.  I have been to the beach plenty of times where there are many people very close together and it didn’t bother me.  The theory behind this is that when we are in crowded situations we tend to observe others as if they are inanimate objects. (I am going to pay attention to how I observe others in a crowded situation next time I am in one.)  In this instance the beach was almost empty, and they could have sat anywhere, but they chose to sit very close to me and they were very comfortable doing so.  

Laughter

"Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
 Because they have no attachments"

Do you get enough laughter in your life?   Laughing is fun. I find humor in every day things and intentional comedy. We tend to be more receptive to laughter when we are open to surprise. The other day I saw this sign. Someone was very clever!  I don't know what a "Stink Fish" felony is, but it sure made me laugh as I imagined what that would be.

Laughter is good for you on every level of being. Laughter sets off chemical reactions in our brains, our muscles tighten, oxygen goes to our tissues, endorphins are released and our immune response gets a boost.  Laughter also impacts our relationships with others because laughing together creates bonds.  When we create bonds with others we feel more relaxed and safe.  
So what made you laugh today?

Holistic Health

Holistic Health is an approach to health that takes all the aspects of being human into consideration.  This includes Body, Mind, Emotional, Creative, Relational, and Transcending aspects of self; something I call “The Spectrum of Being.”

Holistic health relates to how well these aspects of self are integrated into our daily lives. Creating whole health is a journey and a practice. Very few of us are completely balanced on the “Spectrum of Being,” and hopefully we always have some aspect of ourselves where we can continue to develop and experience growth.

How can we create whole health?

One way is to look at the different aspects of self and consider how much time you apply to that part of your life.  If you exercise regularly and eat well, but don’t take enough time for relationships, creativity, or consciousness then you might consider looking at ways in which you can incorporate time for these underdeveloped aspects.  

Here is a list of the 6 categories of being.

The sub lists shown here are just examples of topics that fall under the 

different headings, however they are all interrelated, and when developing one the others follow. 

 Body

Exercise, Nutrition

Mind

Thinking, Learning

Emotional

Expression, Love

Creative

Creating, Playing

Relational

Relationships, Interactions

Transcending

Spirituality, Awareness